


Stay Close to Me

by MinkxAoba



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:33:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8972209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinkxAoba/pseuds/MinkxAoba
Summary: Love is supposed to wash away all the pain.Love is supposed to remove the doubt that plagues your mind.Love is supposed to chase away all the nightmares.Love is supposed to do all those things and much more.Yet love often fails no matter how hard we wish otherwise and no matter how hard we fight to hold onto it.What do we do when love no longer conquers all?





	1. Everything is All Right

**Author's Note:**

> Note #1: Read at your own discretion. Please make sure you have noted the warnings.
> 
> Note #2: I have taken liberties with the characters, settings, and the story. I try to minimize them, but it still happens.
> 
> Note #3: I have no idea how many chapters this will be nor do I know what will happen. Just hang on and enjoy the ride!

Love is supposed to wash away all the pain.

Love is supposed to remove the doubt that plagues your mind.

Love is supposed to chase away all the nightmares.

Love is supposed to do all those things and much more.

Yet love often fails no matter how hard we wish otherwise and no matter how hard we fight to hold onto it.

What do we do when love no longer conquers all?

* * *

 

“What do you mean you can’t do it?”

“I can’t lift you that high!”

Viktor’s lips pursed and the corners dipped down into a frown as he stared at Yuri, a hand on his hip. “What are you saying?”

Yuri was quick to raise his hands up and a sheepish smile crossed his face. “N-Nothing…I just…” He gulped and his smile widened in his embarrassment.  Even as he stuttered and tried to think of a way out of the situation, he was beautiful though he didn’t know it.

“Try again.”  Viktor waved off the explanation and grinned at Yuri. “If you’re not saying what I think you are.”  He could never take Yuri’s complaints to heart, finding the other too irresistible to truly grow upset.  Watching Yuri bloom into a confident ice skater had only made it that much harder to resist.  Before the Grand Prix Yuri had nearly shook with nerves at the mention of a competition, but by the end of the finale he was skating with a confidence and had shattered Viktor’s world record.

Viktor would have been a liar to say it had been a total surprise, however.  Yuri was stronger than he would admit.

Yuri gave a shake of his head before he stepped away, skates gliding over the ice as he moved away from the older man.  He heaved a deep breath before his gaze latched onto Viktor and a smile twisted at his lips before vanishing.  Soon a soft melody started, a familiar one to Viktor, but now the man was dancing “Stay Close to Me” with someone far closer to his heart than he could ever remember occurring.

Viktor could never get enough of watching Yuri skate, every movement a living piece of art.  His breath was stolen in his chest as he watched him before he pressed his skates into the ice and swung himself forward, circling around Yuri and he placed a hand on the man’s slender waist.  He could smell the other’s warm scent, one that reminded him of the inn that Yuri’s family owned and yet was entirely of the other.

“You are every bit a seducer,” Viktor whispered into Yuri’s ear before he twirled away, a smile flickering over his lips.  Teasing Yuri on the ice had taken on a whole new meaning since the matching rings had been placed on their fingers those many nights past.

They practiced and they practiced until their bodies quivered and shook from exertion, sweat beading on their skin.  They were tired, but it had been a good practice and Yuri had finally managed to lift Viktor enough off of the ice that it would have earned them a passable score if they had been out in front of a panel of judges.

“The hot springs are calling my name,” Viktor cooed out with a wink at Yuri as they left the rink.  He snapped on the blade coverings before leading the way to the bench where they would both put on respectable tennis shoes that were soothing after the abuse earned on the ice.

“That sounds more than agreeable.”  Yuri let out a faint snort at the formality of the words before he smiled over at Viktor. “I’ll join you if you’ll rub my feet.”

“Gladly.”  Their relationship had changed over the months and while Yuri still became flustered easy on occasion, the two had calmed down and now their conversation was more relaxed and much more _intimate_. And Viktor loved it.

Once they were ready, they made their way to the hot springs at the back of the inn clad in nothing but towels.  Steam rose high into the air, swirling almost seductively before being carried away by the cool breeze.  Viktor had quickly grown to love the springs and he spent much of his free time there with Yuri.  He dropped his towel on the edge before he stepped into the warm waters, sighing out as the warmth worked up his legs as he stepped into the deeper waters and settled down on a seat.  Yuri was soon to join him, but instead of the other relaxing fully, Yuri caught Viktor’s chin in his fingertips.

“This was a great idea,” Yuri murmured before he drew Viktor in for a tender kiss.

Viktor hummed out in enjoyment as the soft lips met his and he returned the kiss, heart racing within his chest.  He twined his fingers through Yuri’s hair, the black strands standing out starkly against the pallor of his skin, and pulled the younger man in to deepen the kiss.  His heart seemed to skip and race as Yuri pressed in closer and the other’s hand skated over his thighs, the sensation sending shivers racing up and down Viktor’s spine.  He loved the touches, loved Yuri, but…

His breath hitched when the warm hand reached close enough to his groin to make it stir, but Yuri stopped in his movements and drew back far enough that his amber hues stared into Viktor’s pale irises.

“May I?” Yuri whispered, breath misting out over Viktor’s lips, and their eyes locked.

 

Viktor stared up at the ceiling of the room he shared with Yuri, hands tucked behind his head.  He felt the whisper of guilt at the back of his mind.  He had been, in an official sense, with Yuri for the last month of their lives.  It had nearly caused a scandal in some outlets while others rejoiced and printed out headlines such as: _Melting the King’s Heart?_ and _Fire and Ice:  The Heart Thaws_.  The headlines had earned a laugh from Viktor, remembering those from his time in the spotlight that had stated no one could come close to him or that his heart was as cold as his eyes…or his personality. The tabloids loved to seize any bit of information that they could on him and they blasted it to every corner of the world.

But they did nothing to soothe the ache in his chest and the worry that he was disappointing the one man who accepted him in all his flaws.  Not once had they gone past heated kisses and whispered words.  Not once had they done more than sleep together in the same bed.

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands before he rolled over and draped an arm over Yuri’s waist as he listened to the other’s sleeping breaths fill the air. “I’m sorry, Yuri,” he whispered before his eyes closed against the moonlight that filtered in through the window, waiting for sleep to take him in its cold grasp.

* * *

 

“You forgot again, didn’t you?”

Viktor stared up at Yuri, the pork hanging limply from his chopsticks. “Forgot…?” he repeated, eyes widening slightly as he tried to think of what he could have possibly forgotten.

Yuri sighed and sat down next to Viktor, stealing a piece of pork in the process. “We were going to go to the beach as a reward for me not dropping you flat on the ice yesterday.” He smiled, but it didn’t mask the flicker of worry in his eyes.

“Oh…sorry.  Didn’t sleep well.”  Viktor smiled with embarrassment and rubbed the back of his head, ruffling his silver strands of hair. “Let’s finish eating and we can go, ‘kay?”

“Better hurry before it gets too late.”  He took another piece of pork only for Viktor to steal it back.

“I’m your coach, don’t forget.”  But it was Viktor who had the memory problem and lately the smallest of things had been escaping his mind, leaving room for the memories to creep back in.

Memories that were best left forgotten.

Viktor pulled himself out of his wandering thoughts and finished his meal quickly to see if he could salvage the remainder of the day with Yuri.  Despite what the tabloids published, he _could_ care for others.  At least he could care for one other that wasn’t his dog or Yuri’s mom, who made some of the most amazing food he had ever tasted in his twenty-seven years. 

As soon as the meal was finished, he was quick to his feet, bringing up Yuri with him.  He planted a kiss on his cheek. “Okay.  Let’s go.” 

“There’s something wrong with you.”  Yuri shook his head, but his cheeks were red from the surprising kiss.

“That’s already been established, I thought.”

The easy conversation took them from the inn and down the sidewalk that would deposit them onto the windswept sands of the beach.  When Viktor had first been to the beach, it had reminded him of his home in Russia, but now whenever he visited Russia he was reminded of this beach with the seagulls singing in the air.

Here, within the warm sunlight and the salty breeze stinging his skin, everything was all right in Viktor’s world.  Here he could relax in Yuri’s embrace, leaned back against the firm chest and wrapped the strong arms of the other. 

Here everything was right with the world.


	2. Forgotten Memories

“ _Belgrad…skaya…?_ ”  Viktor looked down at his map before he looked up at the sign on the corner of the street, confusion written across his features.  At some point he had gotten turned around and being lost on the streets of southern St. Petersburg was not on his list of things to do that day; he had to get back to his training venue to talk with Yakov about a new routine.

He scratched his head while a sigh escaped him before he turned down a side street, hoping to make a circle back towards where he had come from. He folded up his map and tucked it into the pocket of his sweatshirt, trying to help keep his hands warm.  It was the end of summer and the weather was starting to grow cooler and the nights were particularly chilly.

How did he get turned around? 

Viktor hummed out softly and shook his head, silver locks swinging behind him from the tie that held them back from falling into his face.  How was he going to explain to Yakov why he was so late?  His gaze was drawn to the deteriorating buildings that rose high on either side of him, casting him into dark shadows as the lowering sun vanished.  Despite their dilapidation, the buildings were oddly beautiful and spoke of a time long past.  He lost himself in musing over the past, thoughts flickering over each building and settling in a want to show people how mesmerizing this old town was.

“My, my.  What a pretty little girl.”

The cold, hoarse voice jerked Viktor from his thoughts that had started to take on the quality of a dream that had to be told to the world.  He glanced over towards where the voice had drifted from, but he kept on walking.  He could just make out the outline of a hulking man resting with his back against one of the buildings.

“And a rude one at that.”  The man stepped out of the shadows and cold, brown eyes flickered over Viktor with a look that sent chills down the young man’s back. “What’s a pretty little thing like you doing out at night all alone?”

“Meeting someone.” Viktor cast the man a smile, heart speeding up in his chest.  Still, he walked.  The other had him on edge and he would rather not deal with someone who looked as if they had just crawled out of a dumpster.  He turned his gaze back in front of him onto to find himself face-to-chest with another man, this one smelling heavily of liquor.  He stopped in his tracks and stared up before taking a step back.

“Aleks, oh shit.  She’s a _guy_.” The new man chortled and leaned down towards Viktor. “Fuck, bet yer a fag.”

Viktor gave the man a flat, cool look and he took another step back. “Wow.  You are so _verbose_ ,” he answered, tone echoing his expression.

“You sure, Demyan?  Looks damn pretty from behind,” Aleks said, voice closer than before. “Fuckin’ a.  The others will get a kick out of this shit.”  His stale breath washed over Viktor and a calloused hand snagged in Viktor’s hair to pull his head back and he smiled cruelly as the smaller male’s hands gripped at his hand. “He’s a kid.” He snorted. “Didn’t your momma ever tell you not to play dress up?”

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to bully?” Viktor quirked an eyebrow, but a hiss escaped him as his hair was pulled roughly as he was jerked back against Aleks’ body.  The man reeked of untold showers forgotten and there was a deeper unpleasantness under the aroma, of something rotting and dead. “You need a bath.”

Demyan chuckled at the words. “He’s a smartass.”  He patted Viktor lightly on top of his head before he flicked his fingers and Aleks let go of the teenager.

Viktor nearly sighed out in relief, but his breath stopped in his throat as pain flared hot on the side of his face and the asphalt rushed up to meet him.  Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and he started to push himself up only to be lifted high into the air and draped over Aleks’ shoulder.  He grabbed at the back of the man’s clothing and kicked his legs. “Drop me!” he growled out, watching his map slip from his sweatshirt and flutter away on the wind.

“Soon enough.”  Aleks patted Viktor’s rear, but he held tighter to the squirming man as they traversed the alleyways until a door creaking open filled the air. “Look what we found!  This little fag was walkin’ all pretty like and has a mouth on ‘im.”  He dropped Viktor onto the floor roughly.

Viktor landed hard on the small of his back, but his hands came out to keep him from his hitting his head on the concrete floor.  His heart hammered in his chest and his eyes snapped from man to man.

“Holy fuck.  It’s that fuckin’ hot shot,” someone said and he came over to crouch beside Viktor and he reached out to twine the silver hair around his hand. “Jesus.  Didn’t know you were a fuckin’ homo.”  He snapped Viktor’s head back, pulling him in closer.

“Original.” Viktor grabbed at the man’s hand and shoved his feet into the floor, propelling himself backwards to try to force the man away only to have the man’s grip tighten painfully and his head shoved towards the floor.  Lights blossomed in front of his eyes as his skull struck the concrete and a warm trickle of blood slid down through his hair and onto the ground beneath him.

“Ain’t no fuckin’ homo gonna take me on.”  The man snarled as he grabbed one of Viktor’s hands to twist it behind the boy’s back. “What say we teach this boy about being a goddamn queer, Aleks?”

After a moment of silence, one that thudded in Viktor’s ears, the man finally said, “Have at it, boys.  Got no room for fags in Russia.”

“Wha–" Viktor started before he was jerked backwards by the nameless man and he aimed a kick when another reached at him. He felt his foot meet flesh and that was pleasing, but the moment vanished as a hand sank into his stomach and he would have doubled-over if he had been standing.  He gasped as he was pulled up to his feet and his arm was held tight behind his back.

“Gonna fuck you ‘til you bleed, pretty little thing,” the man growled out in Viktor’s ear as he shoved him through the decrepit warehouse.  Footsteps followed him and drunken laughter filled the air, mixing with the vulgar talk.   The man pushed Viktor towards a semi-private room that held several moldy mattresses scattered with blankets that hadn’t seen water in years.  Two desks were within the room, but were rickety and filled to the brim with different paraphernalia.

“Looks like you need help getting it up.” Viktor jerked in the man’s arms, trying to twist away.  To his surprise, the man let go and let him turn around only have the man drive the heel of his hand under Viktor’s chin, snapping his head back and sending the teenager reeling.  His feet slid out from under him and he skidded hard, falling back.  A sharp pain jolted through his head and the world swam briefly.  He briefly had a time to wonder why they aimed for his head before he was being pulled heavily towards the mattress and dropped down.

“Demyan, grab his wrists.”

Demyan was quick to obey, rough hands encircling the slender wrists and squeezing hard enough to make the bones rub together. “Such a delicate thing, Adrei.  Hope he don’t break so soon.” He winked down at Viktor, earning a large wad of spit to come shooting up at him.  He growled out and his grip tightened further, making the younger man whimper low in the back of his throat. “Your family won’t recognize you when we’re done, fag.”

Viktor pulled and twisted at the hands that held him, back arching as his feet planted only to have them pulled out from under by two other men while the third flicked open a blade.  The metal reflected coldly in the fluorescent light and it caught Viktor’s attention. “You d-don’t…” He struggled as it tore through the fabric of his sweatshirt with ease, the sound rending through the air.  Next came his shirt, the black cloth spilling open to reveal his heaving chest. 

“I don’t what?”  Andrei traced the tip of the knife down Viktor’s chest and stomach, working until he reached his pants.  He drove the knife down into the mattress beside Viktor’s hips before he snapped open the belt followed by the button and zipper. He snorted as he worried down Viktor’s pants. “Ain’t that sweet.” He thumbed at Viktor’s underwear before the knife was drawn up to slice it off, leaving Viktor bare on the filthy mattress.

Whistles sounded through the air followed by more laughter and pinches rained down on Viktor’s body, blemishing the pale skin and making him twitch and gasp. “Sure he ain’t a girl?” one said with a grin.

“Girls ain’t got this.” Andrei’s hand encircled Viktor’s flaccid length and gave a squeeze before letting go.

Viktor swallowed at the squeeze and closed his eyes tightly as his body stiffened.  Fear had settled into his heart long ago, but he had no true belief that the men would do more than rough him up.  Maybe a trip to the hospital would be warranted, _but not this_.  He pulled again, but Demyan’s hands only tightened further and the pain was a biting heat that kept him from pulling again. “Please…”

“Hear that?  Lil’ faggot wants more.”  Andrei laughed darkly and he slapped Viktor’s thigh before shouting to someone else to get him the oil. “You’ll get more, don’t you worry, pretty boy.  Turn him.”

Viktor winced as his legs and wrists were let go and he started to draw back only to have firm hands grab him and roll him until he was onto all fours.  Demyan still held his wrists, but no one else held his legs.  He could feel Andrew loom behind him and there came a snapping sound as a bottle was opened.  Warm fluid dripped down over the soft mounds of flesh, running down the crease before dripping onto the mattress below.  The feeling was sickening and Viktor felt his stomach whirl.  There was no pretense from the men that this would be anything what it was and there was no hesitation.  He gulped and pulled at Demyan’s grip as his heart danced wildly in his chest. “D-Don’t…” his voice came out as a whine, but it went unheeded as the men talked around him.

“Hurry, Andrei.  Ye ain’t the only one without a woman.”

Andrei was quick to comply, undoing his pants and dropping them to his knees as he rested on the bed behind Viktor. “This is what lil fags get,” he growled as he coated his flexing member in the oil and his hands grabbed at Viktor’s hips to hold the quivering male still.  He was slow to align himself, but once the soft tip was resting against the tight ring, his hips snapped forward and he drove himself into the tight tunnel.

Time seemed to stop and Viktor’s breath left his body as a spasm gripped him, feeling his body open and tear at the invasion.  At first his mind struggled to grasp that this was happening, but then the thrusts started and his body was jerked forward with each one.  Tears peppered his face and his back bowed, Andrei’s grunts ringing in his ears.  Pain laced the horizon, but it was the stench and feel of the other that made him feel sick.

“So tight…” Andrei’s teeth bit at Viktor’s ear, tearing the tender skin so droplets of crimson blood sprang forth. “That’s right.”  He drove himself in deep, a moan escaping him. “Take it like a good lil’ homo.”   His nails sank into Viktor’s hips and he pulled him back, the sound of their flesh resounding through the air. “That’s a good boy.  Squeal for me and maybe I’ll be good to you.”  He tangled a hand in Viktor’s hair, arching the boy’s back down and craning his neck back. He licked away the tears he saw tracing down the other’s cheeks.  He forced himself in deeper, feeling the tearing walls spasm and clench. “Come on.  Talk to me.”

“Hah…fuck you…” Viktor gasped as his head was pulled harder and the other’s length tore through him, stretching and pulling at the quivering tunnel.  Pain radiated out through his hips, but there was no reprieve as he was ridden harshly.  His mind wanted to skate away from what was happening, but Andrei’s nails would drag at his body or another’s hand would caress his back and sides.  There was only a momentary pause when Andrei whispered to another and this one managed to slide in underneath Viktor.  The sound of a zipper greeted Viktor’s ears and soon a fiery heat bloomed throughout the teen’s body as the new male worked to press himself into the already abused tunnel, tearing the walls further.  At first the movements were awkward and stiff, but the two men soon found a fluid movement that was eased by the blood that trickled over their coated members.

Time was lost to Viktor as the men ravage him, tearing cries and screams from his throat.  At some point the tie was removed from his hair and Demyan had filled his mouth, nearly strangling his breathing.  After his world swam in and out, he lost track of the men that repeatedly filled him wherever they could until semen and blood coated his body, dripped down his legs, and slid out from the corners of his mouth.

But they didn’t stop.

His world was quick to become the men, listening to their words and their gasps, feeling them invading him and breaking him. 

Soon there was nothing but them.

Driving deep…

Stroking…

Touching..

 

Viktor’s eyes snapped open and he gasped out into the cold night air, sitting up as his arms encircled himself.  He wiped at his eyes as he swallowed a scream.  He had not dreamt of that night in many a time and the memory made him shiver on the bed.  He wiped at his tear stained face and struggled to calm himself.  He was starting to feel himself regain control when he felt arms encircle his waist and he was drawn back onto the bed.

“Bad dream?” Yuri whispered as he held Viktor in close.

“Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.  It’s fine.”  Viktor softly stroked his fingers over Yuri’s arms. “Go back to sleep.  Tomorrow’s a long day.”


	3. Yuri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but what does Yuri think?

“Makkachin!”  Yuri scolded as he slid to a stop, skates digging into the ice to slow his movement before he collided with the poodle.  He reached to scratch the dog behind the ears before he lifted him heavily in his arms and skated him back to the side of the rink.  “Really…stay off the rink.”  He set the poodle down and shut the door.  He turned to Viktor to tell him off for letting the dog out again, but the man was resting his head on the edge of the barrier around the rink and his eyes were shut.

He sighed softly and reached over to gently tap Viktor on top of his head. “Wake up before you fall over,” he said, taking a strand of hair between his fingers and stroking down it.  Viktor had been sleeping poorly these last few nights and finding him asleep wasn’t all that much of a surprise to the younger man. “Come on.  You left the door open enough to let Makkachin on the ice.”

Viktor groaned softly and he waved away the hand stroking his hair. “Sorry.” He huffed out and ran his hands over his face before straightening.  He placed his hands on his back and stretched with an almost comical groan. “Next time I fall asleep, I had better be laying down.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” Yuri snorted softly and rested his forearms on the barrier. “Sure you want to practice today?  You look dead on your feet.”

“As your coach, we need to practice.” Viktor tipped Yuri a wink. “At least once.”

“As your fiancé, I think you need sleep.”  It was worrisome at how tired Yuri seemed to be and his memory was starting to let go of even the easiest of details.

“As your fiancé, I think you need to get back out on the ice.”

* * *

 

There is nothing like watching the love of your life start to disappear.   It is never a fast disappearance, but it _is_ steady.  He watched as the darkness crept behind the pale blue eyes, stealing the laughter and love that was there.  He watched as the tears were more ready to fall, staining the snow-like skin.  He watched as he shook and shied away from his touches, denying him over and over again.  He watched as the nights were torn asunder by cries and screams.

He watched as he lost him to the past and what do you do when that is all you can do?

* * *

 

“Minako…” Yuri sighed out as he paced his room, holding the phone tight. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you talked with him?” the voice came from the other end of the line, concern written in it.

“He doesn’t want to talk.”  It was frustrating, but it also worried Yuri more.  Up until recently him and Viktor had started to speak more. “But he’s falling asleep wherever and he’s…” He hesitated. “…he’s distant.”

Minako smiled though it was a small attempt at humor. “What?  He won’t sleep with you?”

That was only part of the problem; Viktor had never let him do more than hold him and kiss him.  He knew ( _thought_ ) that Viktor loved him and he told himself that this wasn’t a problem. “This is serious, Minako.  I’m lost and I think I’m losing him.”

There was a pause before she spoke, “I think you two need a vacation.  Why don’t you two leave Japan for a bit?  Maybe a trip to Europe.”

 

“England?” Viktor stared at the plane tickets handed over to him and he glanced up at Yuri with an arched eyebrow.

“The weather should be nice enough and I think we can afford to take a week off of practice.” Yuri smiled at Viktor. “Come on.  I think my coach understands the importance of rest.”

“I think you don’t know your coach.” But Viktor returned the smile given to him before he looked down at the time and date. “…we leave tonight?!”

“Uh-huh.  Bags are packed and mom will look after Makkachin for us.”  That smile given to him melted his heart and sent heat rushing throughout Yuri.  It seemed nearly an eternity since he had seen the happiness now radiating from the one who owned his heart. “So, what say you?  Ready for an adventure?”


	4. Yuri:  London

Wind whistled through the air and whipped their jackets, but the sun shone and a smile danced over Viktor’s lips as he stared around at the bustling airport parking lot before he watched a bicolored bird fluttered into the sky, crowing out from its grey beak.  “Oh!  I haven’t seen a rook in ages!” He grinned over at Yuri and grabbed the handle of his bag once more to start to pull towards the rental car lot.

“I think there’s supposed to be a lot here.” Yuri glanced around the lot, but he only saw the one rook before he was following Viktor at the quick pace set by the other. “And crows…ravens?  Birds in general.”  He chuckled as he tried to save his scrambling thought process.

“I think we should find out.” Viktor always enjoy the wildlife and England had an array that he was looking forward to look at. “Want to drive or should I?”  All he wanted was a nap, but they had to get to their hotel and that meant an hour drive as they traversed the streets of London.

“I’ll drive.”

“You said it.” Viktor tossed Yuri the keys once they reached the black car and he helped load their bags before he climbed into the passenger seat of the car.  He buckled up before he stretched his arms back over his head.  It felt good to be sitting in a larger seat and it felt good to finally be out of the persistent wind.  “Let’s hope traffic is good.”

He never found out how the traffic was, eyes quick to shut and sleep was soon on their heels.  After an eleven-and-a-half-hour flight, sleep was more than warranted and the heated seat of the car did little to help keep him awake.  He only stirred when he felt soft lips against his own and he opened his eyes to give Yuri a sweet, slightly teasing, smile. “Already working on fairy tales?” he asked before he gave a gentle kiss to the younger male. “Careful not to turn me into a frog.”

A gentle blush moved over Yuri’s cheeks and he rolled his eyes at the tease. “I don’t think you’re enough of a prince to have that happen,” he answered with a soft laugh as he leaned back.  He shut the engine of the car off before getting out and walking around to grab their bags.  He then made his way to Yuri’s door and opened it, helping him out.

“I think I can get used to this,” Yuri commented as he was helped.  He grabbed a bag to help pull it towards the double doors that would open into the hotel lobby.  It was a lower quality hotel than he normally enjoyed, but it was within a centuries old building and it radiated a calmness that soothed some of the tightness that seemed to plague him lately. “Good job, Yuri.”

“Glad you like it.” Yuri grinned as he led the way to the front desk.  It took a few minutes to check them in, but then they were heading to their room on the third floor of the hotel.  The room had few pieces of furniture, a king bed, a desk, a wardrobe, and a side table being the sole pieces there.  Despite the sparse furnishings, it was comfortable and Viktor was more than glad to set their bags down and kick off his shoes.

Viktor then dropped onto the bed and stretched out. “This is great,” he said, pointing his toes as he kept stretching.  He stifled a yawn as he finally settled down on the bed and looked over at Yuri. “I have no idea how you find places like this.”

“They invented something called the internet a couple of decades ago…you might have heard of it.”  He grinned as he walked over and nearly flopped down on top of Viktor, quick to draw him into a kiss. “I think it might actually be younger than you.”

* * *

 

“Makkachin will love these!”

Yuri watched Viktor work himself up as he eyed the many different dog treats available in the pet store, ranging from basic flavors such as chicken to stranger flavors such as liver.  It was good to see the smile on Viktor’s face once more and it was why he followed Viktor through the pet store instead of encouraging him to leave so they could visit the Tower.  This trip was for them, or that was what he told others, but he knew that it really was for the other ice skater.

That smile…

“Which do you think?” Viktor asked, interrupting Yuri’s thoughts as he showed him two different bags with different treats in each.

“Why not both?  Spice up his life a bit and keep him away from the sticky buns.” Yuri chuckled softly.  Ever since the poodle had to be taken to the vet, all sticky buns had been kept far from his reach.  Now they were on a mission to make sure he had the best treats that they could get and yet weren’t a threat to sticking in his mouth or throat.  It wasn’t hard to do in this city, though, and Viktor seemed to agree with that thought.

“That would be cheating…” But Viktor stashed the treats in the basket and continued his search through the store.

All the while Yuri just watched him, enjoying the light radiating from his lover and yet also watching for any of the warning signs that had started to creep into Viktor’s behavior.  He waited to see the smile falter, to watch the pale eyes cloud over, to see him rub his head one too many times.  He waited to feel that distance growing between them once more.

The signs never showed that day nor did they show the next.  The hours passed in a near blissful happiness, touring the grandest structures of London and walking the streets until they were nearly ready to fall over and sleep in the gutter right there.  Yuri lost track of time there in London with Viktor by his side, the smiles illuminating the world around him, and he let himself focus on the good. 

For as long as the good lasted.


	5. A Change

But the good never lasts and it never just ends, it always shatters in screams of fright and in screams of pain.  It always shatters into a thousand pieces that can never be put together again in the same way.

It always destroys as it vanishes.

* * *

 

“What is Otabek teaching him?” Viktor sighed out as he stared at the comment on the picture of him and Yuri in front of Tower Bridge.

“Hmmm?”

Viktor rolled over towards Yuri on the bed and showed him the comment, which implied neither of them were well endowed enough to be standing near the bridge. “Yurio’s growing corrupted.”

“He was already corrupted.” Yuri smiled as he looked back to the book he was reading on their bed. “I think it’s the sport.  Too much sex on ice.”

Viktor snorted and shook his head as he rolled back onto his back and playfully dropped his feet on top of Makkachin, the large poodle resting near the foot of the bed.  They had made it home from London the day before and this day was about overcoming jet lag before they resumed practice the following day.  He scrolled through the feed on his Facebook and on his Twitter, chuckling at the comments that sprang up and at the photos of news headings from around the world.  Their trip hadn’t gone unnoticed though he supposed that was to be expected.  It didn’t matter much.  He had enjoyed the trip, his numerous bags full of treats, clothing, and food giving testament to that.

The pictures that rolled over the screen made the corners of Viktor’s lips turn up in a soft smile.   He had likely taken more than what he should have, but he had always loved pictures.  They always helped the memories feel more real and gave him something pleasant to look at. “Next time you’ll come, Makkachin,” he murmured as he looked over a picture of him and Yuri nestled together in the seat of a booth at a pub.  He traced his thumb over the picture, moving over the smile on Yuri’s lips as his head rested on the dark-haired man’s shoulder.  They had been getting ready to eat dinner before heading back to the hotel room for that night; he had the fish and chips while Yuri had dined on something called toad in a hole.

He hummed out in appreciation until he felt something warm and slick graze over his toes, making him wrinkle his nose as it sent a tingle through his legs. “Don’t, Makka-chan.  It tickles.” He lightly tapped the poodle’s nose with his toes. “Why don’t you get Yuri?”

The poodle’s tail thumped hard on the bed at the words before he got up and flopped over top the younger ice skater, making Yuri cry out playfully as he tried to rescue his book from the poodle’s tongue. “Makkachin! No!”

* * *

 

" _What are you doing, Viktor?”_

_Viktor didn’t look up from the silver strands that were held in his fist, severed from the shorter strands that adorned his head. “Cutting my hair,” he answered as if it was the easiest thing in the world to see._

_"What about your skating?!”  Yakov sounded angry and Viktor knew that if he looked up he would see the emotion written on his coach’s face._

_“I can still skate without long hair.”  His routine would change, but he wanted it to change.  The young teen’s lips trembled before he hardened his jaw._

_"Your routine –“_

_"I want a new one.”  Viktor opened his hand and let the silvery strands fall into the wastebasket, watching them flutter and dance through the air.  Each one that landed was like a nail into the coffin in which he had sealed his heart to be buried and never dug up.  Everything had changed that night…_

_“Viktor…”_

_Steely blue eyes looked up to the older man. “No more, Yakov.”_

           

Viktor grasped at his hair, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to breathe deeply through the pain that gripped his head harshly. “Fuck,” he growled out, drawing his knees up towards his chest.   He hadn’t felt a headache like this since he was younger though he had had increasingly more headaches since the days after London.

“Viktor?  I’ve brought –“ Yuri’s voice faltered before it was followed by clattering sound of plates as they struck the ground. “Viktor!”

“I’m fine.” Viktor looked up to smile at Yuri, but the fright on the young man’s face made it fade away.

“You’re bleeding!”

“Bleeding?”  He looked down to his lap to see a puddle of crimson forming, but nothing hurt.  He was confused for a moment before he noticed the droplets that fell into the puddle. “Oh…”  The world swam momentarily and came back only to vanish in a wall of darkness.

* * *

 

“Just for observation,” the doctor said as he scowled down at Viktor, who was looking back at him with irritation.

“But I’m awake and fine.”  Viktor had a deep aversion to hospitals and he did feel better.  The headache was gone and the bleeding had stopped.

“You can leave in the morning.  You have a history of head trauma and it would be best if we could keep an eye on you.”

“But –“

“Just the night, Viktor,” Yuri interrupted from where he was sitting beside the hospital bed. “I can bring a movie and bring over dinner.”

The look that Viktor gave Yuri could have withered the strongest of men. “Could you just take care of Makkachin if I have to stay here?”  He disliked being ganged up on nearly as much as he disliked having to stay in the sickly smelling hospital.

Yuri hesitated a moment before nodding. “Of course.”  He glanced to the doctor. “Keep an eye on him, will you?”

“Not a problem.” The doctor smiled though it barely reached his eyes at the tension filling the room.  He glanced down at his chart before over at Viktor. “I’ll send a nurse with the menu from the cafeteria and let us know if anything hurts again.”  He smiled before departing, leaving the tense couple together.

“Be good, Viktor.” Yuri winked playfully before he stood up and leaned down to place a kiss on Viktor’s lips. “See you later…I love you.”

“See you later.”  Viktor’s tone was clipped and he watched Yuri leave him before he groaned out and reclined back on the bed.  He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.  Why did he always seem to end up here?


	6. Broken

The glow of the phone was the only illumination other than the lighting hidden behind a lamp shade on the wall, leaving the rest of the room in a dim darkness that echoed the mood emanating from Viktor.  He stared at the phone screen, scrolling through pictures of him and Yuri without truly seeing them.  His fiancé had shown up briefly, but he had pretended to be asleep even during the gentle touches and soft words.  He felt the bitter taste of regret mix with the cold taste of revenge.  He hadn’t truly wanted to be left alone, but he had also wanted the other to know just how he felt at being coerced to stay within the hospital.

 

_“Please don’t tell him…please…”_

_“He would…”_

_Frantic hands grabbed at the doctor’s white coat, crinkling the fabric and pleading eyes stared up at the man as tears flooded down the teenager’s face. “You can’t…”_

 

He had begged even as his body hurt, begging the doctor not to tell Yakov.  In the end the story had been that it had been a mugging for money that Viktor didn’t carry.  No charges had been pursued, the wrapping around his head serving as a show for amnesia though the memory problems wouldn’t start to show until several months after the incident…even now it was “the incident”.  It had not been a problem, not a true one.  Any hesitancy had been masked with his hair being cut and his persona becoming one of a playboy, of someone who couldn’t care less if emotions were involved.

It had never been a problem.

Until now.

Now he had someone who wanted to be _with_ him.  Someone who didn’t simply look on him as an idol or untouchable figure. 

Someone who loved him.

* * *

 

“Much better,” Viktor said as he flopped down onto the bed he shared with Yuri, stretching out on the bed with a sigh of contentment.  His wet hair stuck up awkwardly, but he couldn’t care less.   As soon as they had gotten home from the hospital, he had showered and changed into his comfortable pajamas before picking up Makkachin and carrying him to the bedroom where Yuri was setting out a quick meal.

“You look better.” Yuri smiled and handed over a bowl of ramen, trying to avoid the apricot poodle’s nose.

Viktor took the bowl and he smiled softly before taking a bite. “I feel better.”  He offered a noodle to his poodle, rolling his eyes as Makkachin eagerly ate it.

“He missed you.”

“I missed him…and you.”

Yuri chuckled softly and rose on his knees to lean over and place a kiss on Viktor’s forehead. “I missed you, too. I’m glad you’re back.”

“I’m glad to be back.”

And he was.  He loved being back with Yuri and Makkachin.  He felt better far away from the hospital that he had spent a sleepless night in.  There was really no feeling like being back home again.

The following nights passed easily and soon they were back out on the rink, bodies dancing and hands touching one another.  Their song played around them ( _If I could see you, from hope…_ ) and their breaths mingled as one, eyes never leaving one another’s face but for when they parted to a beat that was all their own. 

No matter the falls, no matter the slip ups, still they glided and still they danced.  To the lovers there was no one else and nothing else mattered but one another.

 

Hot kisses stole away Viktor’s breath and he twined a hand in the dark strands of Yuri’s hair, his other gripping desperately at the back of the man’s shirt.  His breath was harsh and heat fluttered through his body as Yuri’s lips pressed against his neck and his body was pressed into the soft mattress.

Viktor gasped as he rocked his hips up, legs squeezing Yuri’s hips and he felt the other move against him.  He could feel the clothed length echoing his own body’s need.  His heart thudded hard in his chest as they rocked together and he pushed away the whisper of fear and memories until he felt Yuri unsnap his pants and his hand dive in to stroke him, making the flesh ache and needy. 

As he felt the fabric of his pants start to slither away, the acrid fear spiked and he reached down to stop Yuri as he so often did.

“Yuri…”

Yuri looked up and confusion was written on his face though there was a flicker of hurt and frustration in his dark eyes. “…I get it,” he said as he withdrew his hand. “We can stop.”

The hurt he saw made Viktor’s heart ache. “I’m sorry.”  It was always said and he knew it would stop meaning anything and yet it was all he could say.

An agitated sigh left Yuri’s lips, but he gently brushed back a strand of Viktor’s hair. “Can’t you tell me why?”

“No…I’m sorry.”  Again, Viktor couldn’t stop the words. “Really.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t.”  A prickle of agitation wormed its way through him. “I really am sorry, Yuri.”

Yuri pushed up to sit on his heels and he looked down at his lover. “Do you not trust me?”

“I trust you!”

“But you won’t talk to me!” Yuri huffed out and shook his head before he climbed from the bed. A growl nearly left him.“Why?”

Viktor sat up and his brow furrowed. “It’s…I can’t.”  He couldn't.  Not yet.  Maybe not ever.

“Then you don’t trust me, Viktor.”

“I do.”  He did.  He thought he did.  He reached out to grab Yuri’s hand, squeezing gently. “You don't need to go.”

“Fuck, Viktor...I need to go for a walk.”  Yuri pulled out of Viktor’s grip roughly and walked towards the door.  He had rarely felt so agitated.  He had always told himself that this was okay, that he could handle this, but that gulf between him and Viktor seemed to be growing.  After the hospital everything had seemed fine, but that doubt and hole was still there.

“Yuri…”  The door closed, locking Viktor in the room with the growing knowledge that he was pushing Yuri away.

But how could you fix something that had been broken so long ago?


	7. The First Temptation

He felt selfish.

He felt hurt.

He felt alone.

He felt _guilty_.

Did sex really mean so much to him?  Yuri shook his head as he paced through the garden, the soft grass crunching under his slippers.  No, the sex didn’t matter.  It was that Viktor wouldn’t speak of _why_ and instead only spoke of how he _couldn’t_.  His one and only lover wouldn’t confide in him why they would stop after breathless kiss and heated whispers.  His one and only lover would only push him away instead of opening up to him.

Yuri had thought they had been making progress and coming together, learning to trust and to love, but that was swiftly vanishing.  He wanted to push, to make Viktor open up, but he felt a twinge of guilt at the idea.  He didn’t want his boyfriend to think him sex crazed and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

He groaned softly and ran his hands through his dark locks before he dropped himself down on a bench.  He held his head in his hands and sighed out, almond eyes on the dancing grass before him.  What was he going to do?

* * *

Yuri didn’t bring up that night even when Viktor apologized to him.  He accepted the apology and did what he could to forget that night and to allow Viktor time to process his request.  He tried his best to be patient and life continued on much as it had before with only the growing space between a reminder of their arguments.

He did what he could do help them move on.

 

“Pichit called. He finally got into town,” Yuri said as he fastened his belt and he smiled over at Viktor. “I’m going to go meet him for dinner.”

 Viktor pushed down Makkachin’s fur to look over at Yuri. “Oh.  Good.  I can have the baths to myself,” he teased before he laughed softly. “Have fun.”

“Remember not to kick out any other patrons.” Yuri walked towards the bed and leaned down to place a kiss on Viktor’s lips. “I’ll bring you something to eat in the morning.  I love you.”

It had been awhile since he had last seen Pichit and meeting his friend made the stress of the last few weeks melt away.  They went to dinner, a small restaurant that made some of the sweetest desserts, but then his friend convinced him to go out for a round of drinks at a local club.  Normally he refrained from alcohol, but Pichit had pleaded with his dark eyes tilted up and Yuri gave in.

* * *

 

Viktor knew that Yuri had missed Pichit and he had also known the Thai ice skater had been coming into town, Yuri having been more than willing to talk to him about it.  He had listened with a smile through the days, watching Yuri grow more and more excited as the day grew closer.  Then he listened to the stories of their days spent together, or rather what Yuri could remember.  There was more than one night that his boyfriend came stumbling in reeking of drink and smoke.  When asked, Yuri would simply say that Pichit had asked to go to a club.

Yuri was always so proper and easygoing, and could never refuse a request from a friend, so Viktor was inclined to believe him.  There was a stinging twinge in his chest each time Yuri came home like that, but the older ice skater brushed away with the thought that it was foolish jealousy. 

He had no reason to be jealous.

He had no reason to be upset.

           

_"Shhh…_ ”

_“You’re the one talking loud.”_

_A giggle. “But he was_ hot _.”_

_“You’re drunk.”_

_“Nu-uh.”_

_“Uh-huh…he was_ hot _.”  Yuri mumbled something that was incomprehensible, but the tone of want and lust was unmistakable. "Meet 'im again."_

_“Quiet. You’ll wake Viktor.”_

_More giggles and a heavy body collapsed on the bed.  The scent of alcohol and cologne washed over Viktor as he lay there, arms secure around Makkachin.  He listened as Pichit helped Yuri cover up before Yuri’s arm came around his waist and then the door shut.  He heard his boyfriend’s breath even out in sleep, but Viktor was unable to join him so easily as he stared at the moonlight dotted wall._

_Nothing had happened._

_Nothing._


	8. What's This?

“Viktor’s in the hospital.”

“What?! What happened?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“Just get here.”

* * *

 

“He’s stable and should wake soon.”

“That doesn’t answer my question!  Is he going to be okay?” Yuri repeated as he eyed the doctor with worry.

The doctor’s grey eyes flickered from Yuri to Viktor and back again. “I wish I could answer that positively.  All I can say is that he’s stable and he should wake soon.” He paused briefly. “How much do you know of his medical history?”

Yuri shook his head. “Nothing.”  They had never discussed it and now a medical professional needed to know about it.  He sighed softly. “I’ll contact his former coach.  He may know.”

“Thank you.”  The doctor gave Yuri a soft squeeze to his shoulder. “I will be back soon to see how he’s doing.”

“Where were you?” Minako asked as the door to the private room swung shut behind the doctor.  She crossed her arms over his chest as she looked to her friend.

“At a friend’s.  I fell asleep.”  A gentle blush crossed Yuri’s cheeks at the accusing tone.

Minako’s gaze flattened and she tapped the back of Yuri’s head with her hand in a warning swat. “You are so stupid sometimes.”

Yuri bristled and glared at Minako. “Why?”  

The dark-haired woman sighed and shook her head. “If you don’t know why, I’m not going to tell you until it bites you on the ass.”  Her gaze softened as she looked back to Victor. “He’ll be okay.”

“Yeah…”  But Yuri didn’t know.  Viktor was pale as he lay on the bed and his eyes flitted behind his closed eyelids in an erratic dance.  His pulse ticked steadily and his chest rose, but there was no indication that he knew that there were others around him.  Even when Yuri stroked his hand, he remained still.

 

_Viktor…_

_(…open that pretty lil' mouth...)_

_…Viktor…_

_(...swallow it all like a good lil' boy...)_

_…Vik…_

_(...that's right...take it all...)_

_…tor…_

“I’m not dead,” Viktor pouted as the doctor checked his blood pressure

“Obviously, but you were unconscious for several days.  You can leave once I give you permission.”  The doctor smiled warmly. “I promise to not make your stay too miserable, Mr. Nikiforov.”

Viktor rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine.”

Yuri was glad that the man wasn’t fighting as hard as he had the previous stay.  This time had been different and there was a surety in the air that this was _wrong_.  Something was _wrong_ , but he had gotten no information out of Yakov or Viktor.  The former coach had only spoken to the doctor and then the doctor hadn’t revealed what had been said, instead taking down notes that were secreted away into a folder.

“I’m glad you find it fine.”  The doctor removed the cuff. “I’ll be back after checking the results on your scans.  Until then, keep your ass in bed.  It wouldn’t do to have you fall over.”

“Yes, doctor.”

Yuri hid a snicker at the sarcastic exchange, but he refrained from speaking until the doctor had left. “You seem to like him,” he said as he settled down on the edge of the bed and leaned over to place a tender kiss on Viktor’s forehead. “How do you feel?”

“Tired…annoyed…ready to leave.”  Viktor smiled, however, even as he complained and he reached up to run his fingers through Yuri’s silky hair, the black strands floating out from between his fingers. “I’m sorry to have scared you.”

“Nothing to apologize for.”  Yuri sighed out in contentment as his hair was played with, the sensation soothing.  His heart sang with relief that Viktor was awake though his former state still lingered on the back of his mind. “Do you know what happened?”

“No…I was reaching for my phone to call you…then nothing.” A frown creased Viktor’s brow.  Nothing.  He didn’t even remember hitting the floor.  Until his eyes had opened, his world had been a haze of memories and voices without a name.  He was grateful he had woken up from the painful touches though it had brought him into another painful reality of worrying Yuri and having no satisfactory answer.

“Oh…that’s okay.” Yuri tried to give a smile, but it was almost a grimace that he was quick to wipe away from his face.  He brushed back Viktor’s hair to pacify his own thoughts, not wanting to fight in the hospital and with his boyfriend still unwell. “We’ll figure it out.”

But all he found out was that it was due to past head trauma.  No other explanation was given to him even after they left the hospital.  Viktor kept him the dark, refusing to open up, and soon they both had fallen into a sullen silence.

* * *

 

_How long can this last?_

* * *

 

No answer came, not even as time passed them by like a river.  There were days where they could laugh and talk as they practiced, but there were also days where they sat in silence through their meals and went to bed with their backs facing each other.  That void between them had grown with this visit, with Viktor refusing to say why it had happened and with Yuri feeling pushed away and falling into poor behaviors that often left his side of the bed empty at night.  So their lives continued as they drifted apart, the nights growing colder and the days growing longer.

* * *

“What is this?”

“What is what?”  Yuri glanced up from his book and arched an eyebrow at Viktor before he frowned at the wetness he saw on the man’s face.

“This.” 

The phone turned towards Yuri and the young man’s face grew pale as his heart raced. “…we need to talk.”


	9. Failure

_“This…this isn’t working out.”_

_"…why?  What’s wrong?”_

_“You don’t trust me.”_

_"I do!”_

_"Then why don’t you talk to me?”_

Because he was scared.

Because how could he admit he had let men do that to him? 

Because he had been nothing but a scared kid who could only cry and scream?

Because he hadn’t fought hard enough.

Because he had failed.

But now he had failed Yuri.

Now he was losing the only good thing in his life.

           

_"Please…I’m sorry…give me time.”_

_“I’ve given you weeks and you’ve nearly died!”_

_“…please…really…I’m sorry…don’t do this…I’ll…I’ll tell you…”_

But he had choked.  He had stammered, shook his head, and he had broken down.  Yet no words came from him.  Nothing.  He could only sob and cry on the bedroom floor before Yuri helped him up and then helped him back for the hotel.  Then he was helped to the taxi and taken away, watching as Yuri faded with the distance.

“Oh, God, Makka…” Viktor wrapped his arms around the ginger poodle and nuzzled into the soft fur. “I can’t lose him…” He sniffed. “I’m so sorry, Yuri…I love you.”  More than anything.   Why couldn’t he tell him?  Why?

* * *

 

“Are you really going to waste away in a hotel?”  Yurio snorted as he dropped the bag of Chinese food on the prefabricated dresser.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Viktor mumbled from under the covers that hid his tired eyes and bedraggled hair.

Yurio rolled his eyes and stomped to the bed to pull back the covers back. “You look like shit and you smell like shit.  Go take a damn shower already.”  He didn’t wait for Viktor to agree before he grabbed his friend’s arm and nearly dragged from the bed. “Get.”  He shoved him towards the bathroom and into the tub. “I don’t like smelling sour breath when I’m trying to eat.”  He shook his head and groaned. “…days in this damn room…gross.”  He left the bathroom as soon as he heard the water start running.

Viktor took his time in the shower, but eventually he left it with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Why are you here anyway?” he asked as he searched for clean clothing to put on, sparing Yurio a glance from the corner of his eye.

“Mmm…Minako said you were holed up here.  Saw you in sweats letting Makkachin out…said you look like shit.” Yurio swallowed a noodle noisily. “You still look like shit, but at least you don’t stink.”

“Thank you for your glowing compliment.” Viktor nearly rolled his eyes as he finished dressing and he padded over to take a wonton from the Styrofoam container. “Why are you really here?”

“To tell you that Yuri’s leaving in an hour and you had better get your ass down there.”

Viktor’s heart seemed to seize in his chest. “Why?  He’s got someone else.”

“The dude from the bar?” Yurio scoffed. “Minako showed me the picture.  Nothing but a drunken thing.”  He took the remaining wonton from Viktor’s still fingers. “If you don’t get to Yuri and patch things up, you’re going to lose the one good part about you.”

Viktor opened his mouth to answer angrily before he closed it and swallowed. “You think I don’t know that?” he whispered as he stared down at his lap before he patted Makkachin as the poodle walked over and laid his head in his lap.

“So you’re going to just sulk?” the teen leaned down to make Yuri look at him. “Or are you going to do something?”

“What can I do?”  Viktor’s voice wavered and he squeezed his eyes shut. “…I don’t know what to do.”

“Talk to him.”

Talk to him…that was always the answer, but… “…what if he hates me?”

Yurio stared at the question, eyes widening in surprise. “Why do you think he’d hate you?  The little pig loves you.”

“…because…” Viktor swallowed and wiped at his eyes. “…there’s nothing to love.”

“Viktor…” Yurio wrapped an arm around Viktor’s shoulder hesitantly, expecting the older man to pull away but the other just sat there. “…there is _everything_ to love.  You need to go to him…and talk to him.”

 Viktor’s head dropped into his hands and his fingers grabbed at his hair as he fought back the tears. “I’m scared.”

* * *

 

Harsh breaths burst out from the running man, misting into the hair in thick clouds.  His chest hurt and his lungs burned, but still he ran as if the devil was at his heels.  He prayed he wasn’t too late as he slid around a corner on the sidewalk and the inn came into view.  He could see a taxi at the front, doors and trunk open.  He could see Yuri walking towards the taxi with bags in head.

“Yuri…” Viktor breathed out before he licked his lips. “Yuri!  _Yuri!_ ”  The dark-haired man turned. “YURI!”

Yuri paused, setting his bags down.  He said something, but it was lost in the wind that rushed past Viktor.

Viktor grabbed at his lover’s hand, dropping to his knees as his legs gave out. “Yuri…” he whispered, staring up at the almond eyes that had once held so much warmth. “…don’t go.”


	10. Stay Close to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

“…don’t go…” His hand tightened further on Yuri’s. “…please…”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Yuri asked, tone cold though his brow was furrowed and worry flickered through his eyes, fighting with the anger and hurt.

“…I’ll tell you everything…” Viktor sniffed and he reached up with his other hand, clawing at Yuri’s shirt as he crawled closer until he could press his forehead against the man’s stomach, his tears staining the fabric. “…please…please listen to m-me.  I’ll tell you everything.” He gulped. “Everything.”

A painful silence followed until Viktor felt Yuri’s arm slide around his waist and he was helped to his feet.  He followed his (once) lover back into the inn, through the halls, and into the room that they had so often shared together.  He wiped his eyes as he was settled down onto the bed, trying to calm himself, but he shook with nerves and with fear.

“Viktor…” Yuri started softly, but the silver-haired man raised a hand.

“…Please…I can do this.”  Viktor ran a hand over his reddened and swollen eyes, a shuddering sigh escaping him. “…just…promise me you won't hate me.”  He couldn’t stand it if Yuri hated him.  That would shatter his world all over again.  “…and don’t talk…”

“Okay.”

Viktor bit his lower lip as heart seemed to seize in his chest, but he opened his mouth and the words spilled out.  He never looked up at Yuri, staring at his hands and the floor.  Tears dripped steadily to his lap and he only wiped at them when his voice shook, that day running through his mind.  Images of the men, the heat of the blood that pooled and spilled, the pain that had radiated through him, all of it seemed so near that he could reach out and grasp them in his hands. 

Yuri could only watch as Viktor shook and sobbed before him, a deep horror and sympathy filling him.  How could someone do that?  And to a kid?  He bit his tongue as he listened, anger welling in his heart.  He listened as he was told about the multiple head injuries, he listened as he was told about the memory problems, he listened as he was told about how many men had been there.  And he listened as Viktor bared his soul and washed away all of the insecurities, all of the fears, of not being good enough.  But he stopped Viktor when the man started to apologize, started to say that he would understand if he hated him or if he wanted to leave.

“Viktor, stop,” he said as he gripped Viktor’s hands in his own before he took the man’s chin in his hand.  He made the watery eyes look up at him. “Please stop.  You have nothing to be sorry for…those men are to blame.”  He hesitated before he wrapped his arms around Viktor and drew him close.  He rested his chin on top of Viktor’s head, feeling the other’s arms wrap tightly about him. “You are perfect, Viktor…I couldn’t hate you even when I thought you were pushing me away…and I couldn’t hate you now.”  He couldn’t.  This trembling man within his arms owned his heart fully and there was no denying that.  He closed his eyes and squeezed Viktor softly, swallowing down the heat that had built in his throat.

How could someone have been so cruel?  Why would someone do such things?  His heart ached for Viktor and he fell silent as he held him.  He felt the trembling slowly cease and heard the tears start to dry, but still he held him.

Yuri swallowed and nuzzled in against Viktor’s neck. “I love you, Viktor.  I always will.”

* * *

 

_“After Otabek Altin and Yuri Plisetsky, we welcome Yuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov!”_

“Ready?” Yuri whispered as he squeezed Viktor’s hand.

“Always.”  Viktor winked before he tugged off the robe that clothed his body, obscuring him from view.  The cloth slithered away to reveal a black and silver outfit that hugged his body.  He stepped out onto the ice and skated out, hair fluttering out behind him from the pony that held the long strands back from his face.  He held out a hand towards Yuri as he came to a stop in the center, the roaring sound of the crowd filling the air.

_“Is this a return the teenage Viktor?”_

_“It looks like we have more in surprise for us this year!”_

Yuri smiled and he stepped out, gliding towards Viktor.  He gripped the man’s hand and slid to rest behind him, his other hand on Viktor’s hip.  “Let us make history tonight.”

_“The newlyweds will be skating to ‘Stay Close to Me’, Viktor’s song.”_

The slender bodies glided away from one another as the first note of the song rang out.

_“They have said the song is for their relationship.”_

_“Remember Viktor – nice lift!”_

The commentary died away as the lovers danced on the ice, their bodies gliding and floating in unison. 

 

_Your hands, your legs._

_My hands, my legs._

Hands entwining, legs brushing together.

_The heartbeats_

_Are fusing together_.

 

Hearts thrumming in unison, breath mingling, bodies pulsing.

_Let’s leave together._

_Now I’m ready_.

 

Now that they had one another, they were ready.

They were ready for this life of theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this and taking this adventure with me! I hope you have all enjoyed this story!
> 
> \- Mink


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